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Went in for our third viability ultrasound yesterday.  To be completely honest, I felt something was going wrong that morning.  My queasiness has all but dissipated, my fatigue was mostly gone and my bbs were not a horribly sore as they had been a few days back.   I felt all this but tried to brush it from my mind.  When the tech started measuring all the boring stuff around the uterus, I knew then that things weren’t right.  I could see the tiny peanut there, not much bigger than last time.  I mean, I have seen six and seven week ultrasounds…they don’t look like this.

Basically, our peanut has gone from 3 days behind to one full week behind.  There is still a heartbeat flutter, but it’s nothing they can get a lock on to measure.  Or if they did, they certainly didn’t share it with us. The doctor who runs the viability ultrasounds is not our regular RE and she has the bedside manner of a cold turd.  (This happens to be the same doctor who, when I had my HSG two years ago that revealed my two blocked tubes, actually said out loud “Wow, that’s fascinating to see, bad for you, but fascinating!”.  I would like someone to remind her that this isn’t “Grey’s Anatomy”.) Anyhow….she says to us “I’m afraid you may miscarry, so let’s have you come back in a week for another ultrasound.”  The words were still hanging in the air while I was getting changed to leave. “Miscarry…miscarry”.

It’s amazing how you can go from hope to despair in the course of fifteen minutes.

What can I say?  We knew this could happen.  We knew it was so early and that this would mean very little until we could get past the first trimester.  I guess I just hoped that since we struggled for so long to get here, fate would smile on us this one time.  That maybe the stats would make an acception for us and give us a pass.  I don’t think it’s to be.

Chris remains hopeful.  That’s just his style.  It’s one of the many thousand things I so love about that man.  Always looking for the rainbow through the rain.  I guess we truly are the yin and yang with this since I have almost given up hope and have started preparing myself for the worst.

Our 3rd ultrasound is next Thursday.

Up at 5am for a jaunt into the city for our ultrasound/lab.  Took the Follistim and Lupron beforehand.

Got the call this afternoon that I am to take my usual Menopur evening stim and then the Ovidrel trigger tonight at 11.

We are now on schedule for a Tuesday morning retrieval!

Hopefully it will be the good ship follipop with a slew of healthy, strong eggs just waiting to bloom into Grandparent bragging rights.  I hope, I hope, I hope!!!

Well, another ultrasound/blood work appointment down.

R Ovary: 17,15,15,14,13.5, 13.5, 13, 12, 12, 11, 10 and a few less than 10mm.

That’s twelve follies on my superchamp right side!

L Ovary: 15 & 11.5.  Yeah, well, we knew this going in.

Lining: 11

Estrogen: 1016

We go back in on Sunday for another monitoring appointment to see where I’m at.  The nurse seemed to think I could possibly trigger either Sunday or Monday night depending on results.  So, I am pleased that there is some action going on now.

After our appointment, Chris and I stopped to get some breakfast.  We are always super hungry after these morning deals and decided today that we would sit down to a proper meal.  And boy did we eat.  Eggs, hash browns, bacon, 1/2 waffle!  It hit the spot.  Only problem was that spot hit back around 11am.  It’s still hitting me.  I was half convinced I had food poisoning or the stomach flu for a moment there.  Bullet dodged.  (Although, I am still having tummy pains. Ugh)

Now, let’s talk for a moment about Follistim- shall we?

We try to order our meds on an as needed basis each cycle.  I mean, with enough for a little wiggle room, but we don’t go all whole hog on the meds the nurse calls in.  It’s just too damn expensive when you pay out-of-pocket.  Well, late this afternoon, we found ourselves a wee bit stressed out to find that we were not given the order to trigger this weekend.  This left us, at end of work day, with a limited amount of Follistim to carry us past Sunday.  Add in the fact that we could not get a shipment of extra Follistim until Monday (plus we didn’t want to rely on the fact that our Dr. would have a back up).  Chris scrambled and did some research, some experimenting and found out that these lovely Follistim vials have extra medication in them.  I feel like a dunderhead and when we pulled out our old Folli pen from last cycle, there was at least three to five extra injections left!!!!  ((facepalm))  Too bad it’s expired.  Grrrrr.

Turns out that we can literally squeeze every drop outta these bad boys and still be fine for Monday.  Big, double “WHEW” on that one.  I was on the precipice of meltdown mode at the thought of plunking down $800 bucks on more meds for just two days.

So, onward to Sunday.

Pretty uneventful second visit.  Right ovary is producing (17.5, 14.5, 14 & 12mm follies) and the Left is, well, being that usual cyst-ridden festering nightmare….one big, fat endometrioma which is not getting any bigger thank goodness, but is blocking the follies behind it!  They could only really measure one follie.  One 12mm, sad, little follie.  Ugh.

Lining: 9.6

Estrogen: 452

So, all in all, things are going as planned.  We are going back in tomorrow morning for another scan/draw to see how big these follies are getting and, if all looks good, may trigger on Saturday or Sunday.

Other than that, I am really moody and spoiling for an argument.  Horrible, I know, but there is little I can do but ride it out.

These shots are all so routine I find myself in the morning, half awake, chopping lettuce and ripping open an alcohol prep pad.  Slathering avocado on bread and drawing Lupron into a syringe.  Blending a smoothie with ice on my stomach.  It’s all running together. As long as I don’t inject my turkey I should be right as rain.

At the moment I am doing the “rah! rah! sis-boom-bah!” for more follies to pop up containing big, strong, healthy eggies ready to fertilize and make babies.  Crossing fingers….


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June 2020


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