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Back at work. Still bloated and cramping today.  I am super tired and can’t tell if it’s the Endometrin or the fact that my internal clock has shifted from these past few days of bed rest.  Can’t wait to get home.  Not to mention that the air conditioning absolutely stinks here.  I think it’s a solid 80 degrees in my office and I have currently lent my fan to one of the older freelancers upstairs since his office is a hot box with no window.

Ugh, just get me in cool air.  Every now and then I nip into the empty office on the first floor….it’s like Alaska cold in there.

I continue to have small cramping and pulling in my lower abdomen.  That left ovary acts up here and there.  It’s sort of like a feeling of inflammation and it’s just not comfortable.  I want to take some Tylenol but may have to call and see if that’s ok to do right now.  It’s most likely a mild form of OHSS or something.  I’ve felt that inflammation before…and it was much, much worse.

Honestly, I just want to get home, shower and pass out.

May this week go mercifully fast.

I have been on a superstitious bender as of late. Convinced that if I updated, something would go wrong. I have lost the capacity for rational thought when it comes to these treatments.  Please don’t judge me.
Needless to say, here I am…so allow me to catch you up.

Dec. 1st: We finally made it to transfer. Everything went smoothly. Transferred 2 frosties (One 8-cell, one 5-cell).  The worst part was keeping the full bladder. Once the transfer was complete, I had to lay there for 30 minutes before I could get up and relieve myself.  When I say we literally counted the seconds, I am not kidding.   I took the rest of the day on the couch and the following day as well.  Chris was my sweet, doting, fantastic champ the whole time.

Onto 2ww.

Dec 11th: Almost at the end of the 2ww with beta on Monday, Dec 14th.  Does the waiting suck something awful? You bet. Do I feel like the transfer took? Depends on what time of day you ask. I mostly feel nothing.

I feel like this didn’t work at all. There are also times I have had strange pings and pangs, similar to menstrual cramping. Y’know that kind of cramping…where it’s not a literal “cramp”, but an odd centrally located crampish feeling? I dunno, it’s hard to describe. I can only say it’s the same kind of feeling when I have AF.  I have noticed it at night, or when I am sitting or lying down.

I had noticed that on 2dpt & 3dpt I had lots of watery CM.  So much so I had to put on a pantyliner.  At 9dpt I had a bout of CM that looked like my kaslopis had a cold.  Goopy, greenish/yellow CM that looked like…yeah, I’m gonna say it….snot.  Isn’t this process just lovely? I’m dreaming every single night and sleeping very well.

But all these things I have described can be attributed to the 2cc’s of PIO that DH shoots me up with every morning.   See, the of the side effects of Progesterone are identical to pregnancy symptoms.  Couple that with the Estradiol and this is just my body and my mind playing tricks on me.

Dec 14th (Beta Day): Took an HPT this morning…what a BFN joke that was.  Once the beta results came in around 3pm, it solidified it.   Negative, negative, negative.  So there it is.  At least my ass will get a break from those morning PIO shots.  At least I know now that the PIO gives me all the side effect symptoms of a pregnancy.  At least we know what to expect for the next time.  Right?

Honestly, I am sad.  You never want to get your hopes too far up there, but you almost can’t help it at times.  I think to myself: “This is something I am made to do!”.  “Why can’t I just do it already?”.  It took us three years to get to this transfer.  I hung lots of great expectations on it with the full knowledge that it most likely won’t take.  It hurts.  It will pass…but it hurts right now.

Dec 16th: So, here we are.  I have a great big bottle of Prosecco that has my name on it this Friday.  Chris is taking the hopeful road and looking onto our next transfer.  We have stopped the PIO injections as of Dec 15th along with the Estadiol.  I now wait for AF to come to the party so we can start this process again.  We remain humbled with full knowledge that our situation could be so much worse.  Trying to say positive here.

And THAT is December 2009 for us.   TAH-DAHHHHH!

Onward to 2010 and another shot at frozen embryo transfer.

Cyclesista

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