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"Whenever women are together for more than two days they talk about their periods." - Whoopi Goldberg

I’m going to just say this:  I have been bleeding, bright red, all week long.  Consistently, and reliably.  This would be fine if my usual period was consistently, bright red blood.  Its not.  Usually, I spot for a day or two, have two days of heavy menses, then taper off to dark red/brownish bleeding for a few days.  I’m not sure what to make of this. Let me take a step back before I call the Dr. and go over some possible catalysts for my current situation:

Ok, first off….I have been extremely stressed these past few weeks.  Extremely.  Secondly, I recently started taking the Pill (BCP, Reclipsin, whatever) again to prep for FET.  Come to think of it, I was spotting when I started the Pill on 8/6…and didn’t start this full-on bleed until around the 10th.  Maybe the Reclipsin is the reason for this?  Maybe I have fibroids all of the sudden? I just never saw such bright red blood.  I mean, I’m not soaking a pad an hour or anything.  It’s a fairly steady flow, not a torrent.  I do have light cramping, but it’s on and off and usually only mildly uncomfortable.

I Googled this.  Yes, I know…but you would, too.  It was astonishing how many posts came up about bleeding while pregnant!  I found a few people who asked about bright red blood/spotting during menses, but there wasn’t much more than other lost chicks offering their wise, sage assvice like:  “you could  be pregnant!”.  Um, yeah…thanks Dr. Dumbass…ok.

So, that search ended quickly.

I have decided to give it this week.  If I am still consistently bleeding like this by Friday, I am calling the Dr. C.

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

Well.  What a bizarre copula days it has been indeed.  An adventure in mental jujitsu.  Let me nutshell it for ya:

Saturday: Brown Spotting

Sunday: Brown Spotting

Monday:Brown Spotting (an hour of “AF” which leads me to think that its here so I called Dr. and reported the news.  They called me back with our upcoming FET schedule and I believed that was that.)

Monday Night:  Go home to find out I am back to spotting again.  Barely soaked a pad.  wtf??  Waited until Tuesday morning thinking I would wake to full AF, but nothing.  Just…you guessed it…brown spotting. 

Tuesday Afternoon:  Called Dr.s office and spoke to Nurse.  She suggested coming in for a blood-test next morning to make sure I didn’t somehow have some miracle pregnancy or something.  (Ya, right). 

Wednesday:  Went in for blood test.  Beta was less than 2.  So there.  Ta Daahhh.  No way, no how, no BFP.

So, I am still spotting, but moving onto BCPs as I am obviously not what I momentarily allowed myself to believe I was.  Note to self…stay OFF THE INTERNET during these times.  Silly girl.  Silly, silly infertile girl.  So, they will bump me up to 20ccs of Lupron instead on the 10ccs I was on last cycle and hopefully this time we will see it through to the end.  Hopefully to a positive result in every way.


Mentally:  Um, making a knot and hanging in there.

Physically:  Fatigued, nauseous, sick.  In the middle of a horrible cold.  Runny nose, cough, scratchy throat…the works.


Rock on with that tampon, sister.

It’s funny the little things that happen along this journey that send me into orbit and into panic mode.

Yesterday morning, in the middle of a meeting at work, I felt like I got my period.  Either that or I needed to start wearing depends.  It was maddening not being able to get up right away and find out what was going on downstairs.  This is when my mind starts inventing horrible scenarios:  “it’s my period and my FET will be canceled”, “it’s bleeding that is not supposed to be happening, right? ” or  “I. am. dying.”

I finally managed to get to the bathroom and found out I had gotten my period.  “How can this be?”  I thought.  I had just stopped BCP’s, this I knew, but I was on Lupron.  Wasn’t Lupron supposed to stop this???  I mean, what the hell?

Left message with Dr.’s office.  The Nurse finally called back hours later confirmed to me that this was ok and totally expected.  REALLY?  Totally ok and expected by WHOM?  YOU?  Not me, that’s for sure.  I wasn’t born yesterday…I get it that when you are taking consistent active BCP’s that you will skip your period.  But I could have used a heads up that the Lupron would not have been the band aid overlap to that once I stopped taking them.  Coulda used that information before I spent a good four hours thinking my ass was on the line for another delay in this already deferred process we are  going through.

Ugh, I am such a sensitive person about this.  Like anything that seems out of the ordinary sets me off into negative territory. Have to get better at dealing with this kind of stuff.

Still, it would have been helpful for them to clue me into this from the get go.

Physically:  Let’s talk about migraines for a moment, shall we?  They come on with Lupron.  They come and they rule.  They rule like weeds in a garden.  The other day at work, I had to go into the ladies bathroom, shut off the lights and lay on the tile just to get my head to a bearable stage.  It happens every single time I am on it and nothing helps.  Le sigh.

Mentally: The usual.  Good days and bad days.  Some days it’s happy time, sunshine and punch lines.  Others its rainy days, decay and malaise.  It is what it is and I take it day by day.

We have a nice routine.  Morning Follistim @ 7:30am, evening Menopur @ 5:30pm, 1 Doxycycline each and my prenatal. I ate like a horse this weekend.  I think it was just nerves from the whirlwind..y’know?  Or that is just a giant excuse for me to eat four Belgian waffles with melted dark chocolate.  Ugh!

I spoke to one of the Nurses at Dr.C’s office regarding the fact that I started bleeding on Saturday 2 hours after my first Follistim shot.  Apparently it is just a period.  When I stopped taking the BC pills on Thursday, it just took a day or two for me to finally bleed it out.  So, I am not dying and we are ok.  Whew.  The nurse said it was better that I have my period now as opposed to when they would want to do the retrieval, so I am taking that as good news.  The ol’ body is working after all.

Physically:  I feel almost a little high.  Either it is my lack of sleep or these hormones or I am just buzzy at the fact that we are finally doing this.  Those Menopur shots suck, but it is a small amount of pain in the big picture.

Mentally: I feel reserved and cautious.  The example of this whole experience that seems to sum it up correctly for us is the “Lilly Pad”.  Like each step in IVF is a Lilly pad you hop to; baseline ultrasound & blood work- Lilly pad #1, second ultrasound & bw- Lilly pad #2.  And on and on until we get to hop across the pond safely to the other side & our healthy baby.  So I guess what I am saying is, in the end, we’re just a coupla’ frogs.  ; )


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July 2020


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