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Sad

Woke up this morning with pain and pressure and knowledge that this transfer was not going to happen today.  I had a full bladder for the ultrasound, so the car ride into the city was torture with each and every bump.  Once we walked into the clinic, nurse looked at me and her face just dropped.  Usually women arrive for their transfer excited and relieved to finally be at that stage of the IVF process, but today I was just worried and in pain, and she saw it clear as day.

I explained my situation and they did and ultrasound to see if there was any fluid in the abdominal cavity or uterus, which there was none.  We discussed options with Dr. C who is just wonderful.  We have not doubted his council or expertise once throughout this whole process and today was just another one of those days that confirmed our choice of RE as a stellar one.  Basically, out of the seven fertilized eggs, three are 8 cell, two are 6 and two are 4-5 cell.  Dr. C was thrilled to see what good quality they were and advised the option to freeze and do a FET in July.  This will allow me time to recover from what feels like OHSS and (as I like to call it) prep the landing pad of my uterus for those snowbabies in July.

The obvious risk here is to do the transfer today.  If I get pregnant there is a more than likely risk I would have a more severe stage of OHSS which could mean a trip to the emergency room or possible loss of pregnancy.  Being that both my ovaries are big right now (one being so big it’s nestled right on top of my uterus) any more growth would be disastrous.

So….

The bad —- the fact that we will have to wait, that I am in pain now, that our chances for pregnancy with an FET is diminished by 3-4%.

The good —- that I get some pain meds for the pain (oh, Liza!), that I will have recovery time, that I don’t have to worry when I am home for vacation about drinking wine or lifting my nephews/nieces, that I can be in the best possible shape for those embies to be put inside me.

This hasn’t been a pleasant few days since retrieval comfortwise but somehow I knew deep inside that our patience would be tested again.  We will continue with the PIO shots for 10 days and once I get my period I start BCP’s and will call the clinic.  All in all we are trying to look at the upside of all this and keep on keepin’ on.

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Big Belly Undies

So, tomorrow we go in to see what we’ve got to transfer.  I am still, as of this moment, super crampy and heavy in the abdomen.  Nothing eases this- not Tylenol, not a heating pad, not stretching, not lots of water and pineapple…nothing.  It is just there when I get up, move or walk around- and it gets worse whenever I eat.  Let me put it this way…if I was forced at gunpoint to do jumping jacks, I would surrender nuclear codes.   Oh, and the bloating is outrageous!  Last night I was reduced to wearing my “Borat” hospital underwear from back when I had my Laparotomy just so I could be comfortable.

This feeling is of great concern to me since during the ET tomorrow, I believe they will be doing an outer ultrasound on my abdomen…LOTS of pushing down on said abdomen.  Yeah, that is gonna hurt.  I really hope I feel a bit better by then.

Had my first PIO shot yesterday.  Talked Chris into trading out the big needle for the smaller one for the shot.  Not so bad but the soreness afterward is noticeable.  I am allowing the larger needle for tonight’s shot…I hope I don’t regret it.  I mean, it IS and intramuscular shot after all.  Ugh…I just don’t get along with needles.

360742nurse-holding-hypodermic-needle-posters

Mood swings off the charts–Sometimes I actually fall into despair: “…this is just not worth it… I have totally lost the idea of what having a child even means at this point…This is all so meaningless…”  Add to that some pretty nasty irritability and I am ready to pop off at a moments notice.  Brain thumping headaches that don’t always go away with that prescription dose of Ibuprofen. Like, the kind that hurt behind your eyes?
And the wost?…soreness.  HORRIBLY sore. I take off my bra and it hurts. I dare wear a tee shirt without a one and it feels like I ran two marathons back to back.  An almost unfair level of soreness.  I now sleep in a sports bra all the time.

On another note…still waiting to see what will happen with our second Lupron shot.  We are in the middle of a “who receives?” volley of phone calls and I think I unwittingly set my OBGyn’s nurses against my RE’s nurses.   It’s a virtual medical smack-down.  Tune in later to see who wins…

Cyclesista

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