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At work and noticing some cramping this morning.  I am convinced this is totally related to the Endometrin insert I did at 7:30am.  Besides the two day long headache I got on Friday afternoon (7dpt) that lasted until Sunday night (9dpt) I can’t say I have had any symptoms that are significant and have resisted attributing them to anything other than the Endometrin inserts.  Any slight, momentary cramping or small bouts of sore bbs I felt this time, also happened the past two transfer cycles so they are nothing different.  I have had no nausea, no spotting, no pulling in abdomen, no food aversions or smell sensitivity at all.  Naturally, this has left me with the distinct feeling and assertion that this cycle is a busted BFN.

Our beta draw is tomorrow morning and I will have them call husband with the news.

It’s funny what we do to ourselves throughout the 2ww.  One day you google “4dp3dt symptoms” and then “5dpt…6dpt”  until the hope dwindles and you start searching “10dpt NO symptoms“.  You start trolling message boards with thread names like “2ww and no symptoms BFPs“, “How late did you get your +“…just for some hope of that miracle story.  I promised myself I would not do this, yet here I am, at work and googling.  Ugh.  Insanity.

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Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.

Well.  What a bizarre copula days it has been indeed.  An adventure in mental jujitsu.  Let me nutshell it for ya:

Saturday: Brown Spotting

Sunday: Brown Spotting

Monday:Brown Spotting (an hour of “AF” which leads me to think that its here so I called Dr. and reported the news.  They called me back with our upcoming FET schedule and I believed that was that.)

Monday Night:  Go home to find out I am back to spotting again.  Barely soaked a pad.  wtf??  Waited until Tuesday morning thinking I would wake to full AF, but nothing.  Just…you guessed it…brown spotting. 

Tuesday Afternoon:  Called Dr.s office and spoke to Nurse.  She suggested coming in for a blood-test next morning to make sure I didn’t somehow have some miracle pregnancy or something.  (Ya, right). 

Wednesday:  Went in for blood test.  Beta was less than 2.  So there.  Ta Daahhh.  No way, no how, no BFP.

So, I am still spotting, but moving onto BCPs as I am obviously not what I momentarily allowed myself to believe I was.  Note to self…stay OFF THE INTERNET during these times.  Silly girl.  Silly, silly infertile girl.  So, they will bump me up to 20ccs of Lupron instead on the 10ccs I was on last cycle and hopefully this time we will see it through to the end.  Hopefully to a positive result in every way.

 

Mentally:  Um, making a knot and hanging in there.

Physically:  Fatigued, nauseous, sick.  In the middle of a horrible cold.  Runny nose, cough, scratchy throat…the works.

Cyclesista

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