You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘RE’ category.

road-block

We finally met with Dr. C and it now appears that we were correct about those tubes.  Onward to IVF.   It gets exhausting trying to remain positive when you have years of crap news, but Chris has insisted I recite the “Optimist Creed” when I get Chekhovian about it.  I just have a hard time seeing us having any kids of our own at this point.  You know when you can picture how things could go?  You can visualize the outcome of whatever obstacle you face or journey you’re on? Call me dramatic, pessimistic, maudlin, dark..whatever… but I am just so tired of hoping for an outcome that appears so far from reach.  I mean, the only reliable outcome of the whole process has been that we continuously have bumps in the road.

I did try looking into the adoption process today.  Started by reading a few blogs of women who had dealt with it…aaand that was pretty much a bad idea.  It was a little  overwhelming right now.  I have to give serious credit to those women who have dealt with surgeries, procedures, ultrasounds, tests, failed cycles, failed IUI’s, failed AI’s, failed IVF’s – yet keep on pushing forward.  They are the light on this path that helps me have an inkling of hope that with the worst tests life has for us, there is a path through the thicket.  Trying to shake this numbing echo chamber of sad regarding all that is going on for us currently is not a thing I can do.  I try all the time.

I know that Chris bears much of the unseen burden as we go on this journey.  He absorbs so much of the misery I throw around that he should get an award for bravery.  He is my good partner, helping cut down insurance red tape, dealing with industry sheeple who cockblock true help at every turn and most importantly – he gives me incredible love and understanding.  I only hope I am able to offer him as much in return as I try to fight off my negativity.

Advertisements

360742nurse-holding-hypodermic-needle-posters

Mood swings off the charts–Sometimes I actually fall into despair: “…this is just not worth it… I have totally lost the idea of what having a child even means at this point…This is all so meaningless…”  Add to that some pretty nasty irritability and I am ready to pop off at a moments notice.  Brain thumping headaches that don’t always go away with that prescription dose of Ibuprofen. Like, the kind that hurt behind your eyes?
And the wost?…soreness.  HORRIBLY sore. I take off my bra and it hurts. I dare wear a tee shirt without a one and it feels like I ran two marathons back to back.  An almost unfair level of soreness.  I now sleep in a sports bra all the time.

On another note…still waiting to see what will happen with our second Lupron shot.  We are in the middle of a “who receives?” volley of phone calls and I think I unwittingly set my OBGyn’s nurses against my RE’s nurses.   It’s a virtual medical smack-down.  Tune in later to see who wins…

Tomorrow morning is the first of three Lupron Depot shots. These are to ensure a proper healing phase after my Laparotomy in December 2008. Since I have been on Lupron before, this is nothing new, but I do have to say I am torn.  See? Not getting your period is super fantastic. You go to the gym with ease, you rarely get awful cravings around flo-time and there is no pain every month!! It is lovely.  The pain was truly unbearable and getting it to a manageable place is, and will be, an ongoing process.

It’s just this whole “trying-to-get-pregnant-and have-a-baby” thing that consumes us right now. I know, I know…”boo-hoo”. There are people that have been trying for kids for YEARS. This is a fact that I am slowly starting to snuggle into.  We are becoming those people.  Going on three years of treatments and surgeries for me, yeah…I’m one of those gals now.

Me: 33  – Stage IV Endometriosis/Fibroids/Cysts/Blocked Tubes

-2006 Laparoscopy for removal of adhesions, endometrioma/cyst issue on left ovary

-Had follow up Hysterosalpingogram to check healing progress revealing blocked left tube and open right tube-

-2007 Laparotomy for removal of more adhesions & endometrioma/cyst on left ovary-

-Went on 6 months of Lupron injections-

-2008 Began looking to fertility treatments after 6 months of TTC with no positive results.  Had a Sonohysterogram to practice IVF transfer and found that uterine walls had adhesions-

-Laparotomy in 2008 for for removal of more adhesions & endometrioma, clearance of left tube along with removal   of uterine adhesions (D&C)-

-Jan-Mar/2009  three months of Lupron-

-2009 Had another Hysterosalpingogram to check progress of healing only to find that now both tubes are blocked-


Onward to IVF and beyond…we turn the page, again and again and again.

Cyclesista

Email Me

twelvegrapesblog@gmail.com

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 11 other followers

What/When/Where

July 2019
M T W T F S S
« Jun    
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

Categories

Previous Entries

Inspire health and wellness support groups
Advertisements