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Well, my chickadees…looks like this FET ain’t happenin’ anytime soon.

Went in for a SHG this morning only to find out three things:

1) My left ovarian cyst has grown and the doc is adamant that the ovary, at last, needs to be removed.

2) They also had a hard time getting the catheter into my uterus given all the lovely polyps that came about.  So that will need to be addressed before we do any more transfers…’cause really, what’s the point of transfer with all that crap going on.

3) Our original RE has left and moved on to a new hospital.

Ok, first of all, we always knew that left ovary was a goner at some point.  It just sucks that it has to happen now and like this.  Just when we were getting back on track.  Ugh, anyway, it’s for the best at the end of the day.  These things need to be addressed.  That left ovary has caused me so many problems over the past few years, and was producing so poorly during stims that it makes sense we bid it adieu at last.  According to doc, it would have eventually been the cause of many problems (some of which I had a nasty preview of a couple of years back) and I don’t really need to be waking up with obstructed bowels or ovarian torsion any day soon.  I got enough problems, thank you.

The polyps were an issue before.  Cleaned up at laparotomy #2 but since my last period, they have grown back.

Dr. C. being gone was a surprise.  To be honest, he was all but absent from our last retrieval/transfer and the RE who ended up doing it all is head of the practice anyway.  We like him a lot and feel good staying under his care as we continue.  I told Chris I feel an almost mystical connection to the guy now since he was basically the doc in charge who got us pregnant earlier this year.  He will be doing my lap along with another doc who worked on me at lap #2.  I’m just a regular patron there!  They alllllll know me.

So, it’s onto laparotomy #3 for me…

…yay…

..I mean, YAYYYY!!!  Right?

Yay, I’ll be positive about this.  Yay, it’s for the best.  Yay, time to buck up and see the good side of more major surgery.

Right?

*sigh*

When are we ever gonna catch a break?

Looking back on where we have come from, I wish I had been a little pushier in this process from the start.  I am finally starting to do that now, but when you begin- you really put yourselves in the hands of the specialists.  I mean, however much I read on the internet, in books, or on blogs- this does not,  in any way, make me anywhere close to an expert on infertility or the process of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART).  So, it’s scary and intimidating when you first start  learning about estrogen levels, self injecting, sharps boxes, medication vials, medication pens, medication mixing, ultrasounds and all the other confusing stuff you end up doing and dealing with.

I really like Dr.C.  I am comfortable with him.  I feel he has our best interest at heart.  I feel he knows us and knows where we are mentally in all of this.  I’m a pretty loyal person, so if you do right by me, and I feel in my heart that you are coming from the best place….I’m all yours.  Maybe I need to be more of a squeaky wheel?  Maybe I am becoming less and less patient in a process that demands a level of zen-like patience.  Because I have to be honest, I am feeling like our next FET is going to hit a hiccup.  Don’t ask me why.  I’ll admit it, I can summon “Debbie Downer” and start whipping up the storm clouds from time to time…but I’m starting to get paranoid.

I have a hard time with the fact that our transfer is in late September.  Why 2 months?  To get me “perfectly prepped”?  Really?  That’s the answer I got when I pushed back about the date.  So beyond the 20ccs of Lupron, not much else is different from our last FET protocol.  And what about that delay?  I thought the whole point of all this was to jump on my cycles…so that I could avoid periods thus avoiding the growth of new endo THUS having a perfect landing pad for our frosties????  UGH…bbrreeaaatthhhh. 

BREATH!  Oooohhhhmmmmm.  Ok, ok. 
Have to let go and just go with the flow. 
Literally.

So, on the BCPs daily for now and will start Lupron injections in two weeks.

Sometimes you get good news, sometimes you get bad news.  Today we got an inkling of good news…my estrogen levels are <32.  Small thing, right?  Big thing to me.  Hey, I’m taking all I can get these days.

We met with Dr. C today and had our teaching.  It really is something to sit there and talk through all of these shots you will eventually be either given or be giving yourself.  *Gulp.  Amazing how you just push yourself to get over the fear of needles right quick. 

Chris spent the better portion of this afternoon pricing out our meds, seeing if we could cut some cost down.  He is a prince.  Our situation is unique since my three month Lupron stint has me supressed already and we need to jump on that fact quickly.  Unfortunately, this leave us less than 48 hours to firm up our financing, get our meds and clear the time for our next ultrasound.  Oy. VEY.

But, here we go…ready or not.

anger1

Where shall I begin? 

My RE’s office has two women in it we deal with on a regular basis.  One, the quasi receptionist/admin and the other, the nurse; and after today’s runaround farce they put my poor husband through, are henceforth known as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. 

Yesterday -we had not received our IVF schedule for the upcoming cycle yet, so I asked Chris to follow up since I had spoken to Tweedledum.  See, Tweedledum insisted we start injectables on May 22nd.  This puts us needing retrevial smack in the middle of our trip east.  (I knew this because I am a nut who has done waaaay too much research on injectables & IVF cycles.)  I asked her, “are you sure about that?” said I. “Oh, Yes”  said Tweedledum.  “Ok, you guys are the professionals”.   Understand, they KNEW about our trip.  Dr. C DISCUSSED it with us.  We voiced our concerns and wanted to be sure that we would be ok doing either before or after.  So after this converstation I tried to convince myself that they had it allllll worked out for us and we would be doing the transfer right before we got on the plane or something.  Right.

The pit in my stomach only got worse when Tuesday came and went with no schedule (hence Chris calling to follow up). I just KNEW they dropped the ball on us.  I could FEEL it for shit’s sake. All I know is, if I was the one to call today instead of Chris…there would have been some furniture moving around this mofo.  And not in a good way.

Well, Chris got the full runaround, dipshit treatment today when we had to deal with both Tweedledee AND Tweedledum either both inisisting or “Thinking” they knew where we stood for our upcoming cycle. The conversations sound somewhat like this:

Chris: Are you sure this is the correct schedule?

Tweedleedee(dum): Oh, yes.  I think you should be fine.

Chris: I don’t want to know what you “think”, I want to know the facts from the doctor.

Tweedledee(dum): Oh, well, let me talk to Dr. C—-.

Chris: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

Only to have Tweedledum call him back with the news that we would be coming in first thing tomorrow to get started.   They were both wrong and Chris and I were correct.  I hate being right about others being wrong when it’s important shit like this.  And not even a fucking apology.  Not once a “sorry we misread your chart”, “my bad”, “that was our misreading”…NOTHING.  Goddammit, how hard is that?

I have been absolutely apoplectic this week because this is getting down to the wire with my Lupron wearing off.  I feel like a raw nerve. I feel like we are being ignored…and “I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!”.  Sorry…ok ok..I am bat-shit off my rocker between the shots and the BC pills and me just being an emotional nut-job on a NORMAL day, so,  when shit goes down like this…lookout!  This is all I’m saying.

Long story short, we go in tomorrow for our baseline ultrasound and injectable teaching with Dr. C. 

FINALLY. FINALLY. Finally.

Cyclesista

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