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Mood swings off the charts–Sometimes I actually fall into despair: “…this is just not worth it… I have totally lost the idea of what having a child even means at this point…This is all so meaningless…”  Add to that some pretty nasty irritability and I am ready to pop off at a moments notice.  Brain thumping headaches that don’t always go away with that prescription dose of Ibuprofen. Like, the kind that hurt behind your eyes?
And the wost?…soreness.  HORRIBLY sore. I take off my bra and it hurts. I dare wear a tee shirt without a one and it feels like I ran two marathons back to back.  An almost unfair level of soreness.  I now sleep in a sports bra all the time.

On another note…still waiting to see what will happen with our second Lupron shot.  We are in the middle of a “who receives?” volley of phone calls and I think I unwittingly set my OBGyn’s nurses against my RE’s nurses.   It’s a virtual medical smack-down.  Tune in later to see who wins…

We have a new President.  My shoulders are just a little less heavy this year with that knowledge and the hope that he brings to our country as well as the future support of scientific research.  So, speaking of science…or stem cells…or embryos…we circle back to earth and back to this blog.  Got the first of three shots of Lupron out of the way and husband currently doe-se-does with insurance company to finagle those shots for coverage somehow.

Now it’s two more shots and we don’t know what after that.

"Raising Arizona"

Emotionally:  I am watching my niece and nephews just sprout like weeds and we are home gushing over our dog because she’s all we got.  Your basic pity party.  Chris is much better at dealing sometimes. You find yourself walking the delicate balance tightrope of being so thrilled for your loved ones & family, simply adoring the kids but also feeling completely awful and hopeless for your own chances, it’s awful.  Chris has a way of seeing the good side of this journey while I, on the other hand, cannot deal sometimes.  I bounce from feeling horrible and jealous to admonishing myself for feeling horrible and jealous. I have a warm home, a good partner & friend by my side, a wonderful,  sweet pooch, loving family and friends…what right do I have to feel like this?  Y’know?  Many people have been through far worse. I am my own worst critic usually without fail.  It’s exhausting and ridiculous!

Please forgive me as I verbally vomit…

{BEGIN VENT:}  So that Lupron shot…yeah… this past week has been nothing but drama surrounding that Lupron shot.  First it was calling in to pick up the shot at Walgreen’s with no insurance coverage for this type of medication. $600.  Sorry, but that’s just too much per shot.  Called back and played ring around the rosie with health insurance dittoheads (I call them/they tell me to call my Dr.’s office to have them call them/my Dr.’s office has me call them BACK just so they can call me and so on and so on as I start losing my marbles) until I finally got a number to a specialty pharmacy we could try.  Whew.  Thank goodness.

I order the shot, they tell me there may be a co-pay. I say- no prob.  Anything to not have to pay $600!!  Go in on Friday for the shot…it never arrived.  Nobody told me my Dr.’s office does not accept deliveries!!!??  In all those phone calls nobody apparently talked about this small fact?  I know I cleared it up with the pharmacy…I know THEY spoke with my Dr.’s office…so WTF??


So now do I not only lose a few hours of work, but I come to find that later on we have to pay $50 MORE for the shot from this waste of a time pharmacy!  So husband gets on the phone to raise hell with the specialty pharmacy and I get on the phone with Walgreen’s to make sure they still have our $600 shot as a backup.{ END OF VENT.}

All in all, the shot arrived on Saturday and I go in at 7AM on Monday for the injection and a blood draw.



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July 2020


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