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Love Celine so much for her continued honesty and courage throughout her struggle with infertility/secondary if.

The Endometriosis Foundation of America is holding a landmark scientific symposium,“Advancing the Art & Science of Endometriosis: Stem Cells to Radical Excision Surgery”, taking place on Thursday, May 20, 2010 in New York City.   I would SO go to this if I could.


Do alternative remedies to infertility treatments really work?


Here’s a great article on from back in January ’09 about calculating the odds of a baby through IVF.


Are pesticides causing infertility in Southern California  (ments).  What about air pollution?


A Mediterranean diet can help the chance of pregnancy?  Pass the twelve stuffed grape leaves, please!

Looking back on where we have come from, I wish I had been a little pushier in this process from the start.  I am finally starting to do that now, but when you begin- you really put yourselves in the hands of the specialists.  I mean, however much I read on the internet, in books, or on blogs- this does not,  in any way, make me anywhere close to an expert on infertility or the process of Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART).  So, it’s scary and intimidating when you first start  learning about estrogen levels, self injecting, sharps boxes, medication vials, medication pens, medication mixing, ultrasounds and all the other confusing stuff you end up doing and dealing with.

I really like Dr.C.  I am comfortable with him.  I feel he has our best interest at heart.  I feel he knows us and knows where we are mentally in all of this.  I’m a pretty loyal person, so if you do right by me, and I feel in my heart that you are coming from the best place….I’m all yours.  Maybe I need to be more of a squeaky wheel?  Maybe I am becoming less and less patient in a process that demands a level of zen-like patience.  Because I have to be honest, I am feeling like our next FET is going to hit a hiccup.  Don’t ask me why.  I’ll admit it, I can summon “Debbie Downer” and start whipping up the storm clouds from time to time…but I’m starting to get paranoid.

I have a hard time with the fact that our transfer is in late September.  Why 2 months?  To get me “perfectly prepped”?  Really?  That’s the answer I got when I pushed back about the date.  So beyond the 20ccs of Lupron, not much else is different from our last FET protocol.  And what about that delay?  I thought the whole point of all this was to jump on my cycles…so that I could avoid periods thus avoiding the growth of new endo THUS having a perfect landing pad for our frosties????  UGH…bbrreeaaatthhhh. 

BREATH!  Oooohhhhmmmmm.  Ok, ok. 
Have to let go and just go with the flow. 

So, on the BCPs daily for now and will start Lupron injections in two weeks.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."-Margaret Thatcher

The Olympics are awesome.  Ok?  Just amazing to watch and totally inspiring in so many ways.  You can’t help getting choked up watching these athletes rise to the challenges and come out triumphant.  It’s such a rush and you hang on every sequence, dismount, shot, or sprint.  Sweaty palms, heart in your throat…waiting for the finish.  I have been in tears more times than I can count each Olympic season.

It’s the same level watching the gut wrenching mistakes, missteps, tumbles and falls.  You can almost feel your stomach drop right along with the athlete.  You’ve been rooting for them…wishing them success.  And you are equally with them for the failures.  The disappointments.  The years of training for the one moment that was not to be.

That’s the hardest part to watch.

You wish for every one; success.  But there has to be Gold medals and there has to be Bronze.  There is always a last place to every first.  A worst time for every best.

And it takes years of hard work.  Years of training.  Years of time away from family or friends.  From vacations and the joys of basic “normalcy” that we all enjoy, to get these amazing people to that point.  It takes dedication and practice.  It takes getting up every time they fall.  Nursing through every broken bone, every ache or pain, with sheer stubborn will to persevere in the face of defeat.

These people, these athletes…are walking inspiration.

I have to think of these incredible women I have come to know.  These unbelievable women, who have been through their own broken bones, and their own pain.  Yet, they have pushed themselves up and kept on walking.   Women who have been through years of infertility treatments; failed IVF’s and FET’s, miscarriages and chemical pregnancies.  Surgeries and scars.  Tears and fights.  Emotional breakdown after emotional breakdown.

These people, these women…they are my walking inspiration.  Every time I want to shut off my phone, or crawl into a hole.  Every time I want to withdraw and just stop “playing the game”.  Every time I feel like I  have a raw deal…I think of them.

I think of Dara Torres.

The road to becoming a mom wasn’t easy for Torres, who struggled with infertility. “There were a lot of ups and downs and it was a really tough time in my life because I had no control.” said Torres. “As an athlete, I’m used to having power over the outcome, I know what I have to do in order to win a race; but with this, there wasn’t anything I could do and there were no guarantees that I would have a baby.”

torres and daughter

UPDATE: After2.5 days of spotting, AF is here full force.  I put in call to Dr.’s office for baseline to start our next FET attempt.  Onward we go?


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July 2020


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