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So, this morning we went in and suited up for our embryo transfer.  Having been through this part of the process twice before, we were prepared for the whole routine.  Chris gave me my morning PIO shot.  I knew just how much water to drink before going in so that I had a full bladder for transfer, but not too full.  I knew to bring a pillow for the drive home.  Chris even knew to bring the tie from my bathrobe to lightly fasten around my knees to help me keep them up and together for that 30-40 minute wait after transfer.  We are like old pros.

Of all the 7 that fertilized, all 7 were still dividing today.  Some better than others.  We ended up transferring three: One 8 cell, one 7 cell and one 6 cell.  The rest were around 4 cells that we will freeze.

So, now comes the time where you try to almost forget you did this.  You try to be careful for the 2ww, but carry on with life.  My great challenge always is to hold off on the “symptom checks”.  I have to remember that the Endometrin gives me wicked “pregnancy” side effects so it’s useless to get caught up in the minutiae of it all.

We go in on June 2nd for our beta.

So, here I am on bed rest watching Barefoot Contessa and taking it easy.

Here we go again….

I have been on a superstitious bender as of late. Convinced that if I updated, something would go wrong. I have lost the capacity for rational thought when it comes to these treatments.  Please don’t judge me.
Needless to say, here I am…so allow me to catch you up.

Dec. 1st: We finally made it to transfer. Everything went smoothly. Transferred 2 frosties (One 8-cell, one 5-cell).  The worst part was keeping the full bladder. Once the transfer was complete, I had to lay there for 30 minutes before I could get up and relieve myself.  When I say we literally counted the seconds, I am not kidding.   I took the rest of the day on the couch and the following day as well.  Chris was my sweet, doting, fantastic champ the whole time.

Onto 2ww.

Dec 11th: Almost at the end of the 2ww with beta on Monday, Dec 14th.  Does the waiting suck something awful? You bet. Do I feel like the transfer took? Depends on what time of day you ask. I mostly feel nothing.

I feel like this didn’t work at all. There are also times I have had strange pings and pangs, similar to menstrual cramping. Y’know that kind of cramping…where it’s not a literal “cramp”, but an odd centrally located crampish feeling? I dunno, it’s hard to describe. I can only say it’s the same kind of feeling when I have AF.  I have noticed it at night, or when I am sitting or lying down.

I had noticed that on 2dpt & 3dpt I had lots of watery CM.  So much so I had to put on a pantyliner.  At 9dpt I had a bout of CM that looked like my kaslopis had a cold.  Goopy, greenish/yellow CM that looked like…yeah, I’m gonna say it….snot.  Isn’t this process just lovely? I’m dreaming every single night and sleeping very well.

But all these things I have described can be attributed to the 2cc’s of PIO that DH shoots me up with every morning.   See, the of the side effects of Progesterone are identical to pregnancy symptoms.  Couple that with the Estradiol and this is just my body and my mind playing tricks on me.

Dec 14th (Beta Day): Took an HPT this morning…what a BFN joke that was.  Once the beta results came in around 3pm, it solidified it.   Negative, negative, negative.  So there it is.  At least my ass will get a break from those morning PIO shots.  At least I know now that the PIO gives me all the side effect symptoms of a pregnancy.  At least we know what to expect for the next time.  Right?

Honestly, I am sad.  You never want to get your hopes too far up there, but you almost can’t help it at times.  I think to myself: “This is something I am made to do!”.  “Why can’t I just do it already?”.  It took us three years to get to this transfer.  I hung lots of great expectations on it with the full knowledge that it most likely won’t take.  It hurts.  It will pass…but it hurts right now.

Dec 16th: So, here we are.  I have a great big bottle of Prosecco that has my name on it this Friday.  Chris is taking the hopeful road and looking onto our next transfer.  We have stopped the PIO injections as of Dec 15th along with the Estadiol.  I now wait for AF to come to the party so we can start this process again.  We remain humbled with full knowledge that our situation could be so much worse.  Trying to say positive here.

And THAT is December 2009 for us.   TAH-DAHHHHH!

Onward to 2010 and another shot at frozen embryo transfer.

Everybody dance!

I didn’t want to post for postings sake the past few weeks.  Why bore you with mundane details of what it’s been like to sit and wait for my cycle to start, if you are dealing with infertility, you already know what that’s like.  I already addressed where I am at, praised the bubbly goodness of Prosecco and kvetched about the weight I have put on from indulging my emotional swings.

With that said, I am happy to report that Auntie Flo decided to make her grand entrance on Sunday.  It’s now take three for this transfer dance and we know the steps pretty well by now. So don’t be surprised when I confess that I fully expect to be laughing about how we got pushed off again by Christmas.  Isn’t that terrible?  I know I should be all excited but I just feel like it’s rote at this point.   I am going to do everything in my mental power to just take this as a blip on the calendar and continue along my happy little path here.

I will update along the way…

"Idealism is what precedes experience, cynicism is what follows.” - David Wolf

Re: Two weeks of bleeding.  Ok…So…Talked to Dr.’s office today.  Went from being totally cancelled to back on the regular schedule.  They originally wanted me to double up my BCPs to hopefully stop bleeding and to totally stop the Lupron.  Then the nurse called me back and told me to hang tight.  So, I waited and finally got the call to just take today’s and tomorrow’s BCPs as usual along with the 20 units of Lupron.  Oook.  So we are back on…for now.  TBD.  Tentative.  Totally have no idea.  Possible cancellation in near future.  Who knows.  Whatever. 

They don’t know if it is a level imbalance, a late menstrual release or something else…but I guess we just continue and will see.  I would have thought they would want me to come in for some blood work or an u/s, but according to the nurse, my chart and timing, of all of this could just be a anomaly that may wind down with the absence of the BCPs. 

I still have a pit in my stomach that this transfer is going to be the longest running joke in our lives.


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July 2020


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