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We went in this morning for our blood draw/beta. I, being the pessimist, have been working most of the day at visualizing how I will react to the bad news. What can I focus on that will take my mind off of this four year long struggle reduced down to just one more call for the BFN I am so expecting? How can we move forward successfully? How much time will I give myself to be sad? What will we do next?


We got the call…

Beta: 169


Beta: 169



We go back in on Friday to see if it doubles. I was freaking out asking Nurse what they normally hope to see for a first beta…she said “anything over 25”! Apparently, this is a strong starting number. Oh PLEASE, PLEASE let this continue to rise and continue to stick so we have some healthy babies coming our way!!! I told Chris we need to pick up some pregnancy tests. I need to POAS STAT! I wanna see those lines. I NEED to see those lines.

I have stage IV endometriosis. I have a massive cyst on my left ovary, I have endometriomas up the wazoo. I hope we get rising numbers just to show that you can be riddled with this horrible shit and still be successful. I hope, I hope. Thank you guys so much for your words of encouragement. Thank you for reaching out and just letting me know where you are at and sharing this struggle we all deal with. I honestly am in shock right now.

Crossing fingers for a higher number on Friday.

At work and noticing some cramping this morning.  I am convinced this is totally related to the Endometrin insert I did at 7:30am.  Besides the two day long headache I got on Friday afternoon (7dpt) that lasted until Sunday night (9dpt) I can’t say I have had any symptoms that are significant and have resisted attributing them to anything other than the Endometrin inserts.  Any slight, momentary cramping or small bouts of sore bbs I felt this time, also happened the past two transfer cycles so they are nothing different.  I have had no nausea, no spotting, no pulling in abdomen, no food aversions or smell sensitivity at all.  Naturally, this has left me with the distinct feeling and assertion that this cycle is a busted BFN.

Our beta draw is tomorrow morning and I will have them call husband with the news.

It’s funny what we do to ourselves throughout the 2ww.  One day you google “4dp3dt symptoms” and then “5dpt…6dpt”  until the hope dwindles and you start searching “10dpt NO symptoms“.  You start trolling message boards with thread names like “2ww and no symptoms BFPs“, “How late did you get your +“…just for some hope of that miracle story.  I promised myself I would not do this, yet here I am, at work and googling.  Ugh.  Insanity.


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