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Went in for our third viability ultrasound yesterday.  To be completely honest, I felt something was going wrong that morning.  My queasiness has all but dissipated, my fatigue was mostly gone and my bbs were not a horribly sore as they had been a few days back.   I felt all this but tried to brush it from my mind.  When the tech started measuring all the boring stuff around the uterus, I knew then that things weren’t right.  I could see the tiny peanut there, not much bigger than last time.  I mean, I have seen six and seven week ultrasounds…they don’t look like this.

Basically, our peanut has gone from 3 days behind to one full week behind.  There is still a heartbeat flutter, but it’s nothing they can get a lock on to measure.  Or if they did, they certainly didn’t share it with us. The doctor who runs the viability ultrasounds is not our regular RE and she has the bedside manner of a cold turd.  (This happens to be the same doctor who, when I had my HSG two years ago that revealed my two blocked tubes, actually said out loud “Wow, that’s fascinating to see, bad for you, but fascinating!”.  I would like someone to remind her that this isn’t “Grey’s Anatomy”.) Anyhow….she says to us “I’m afraid you may miscarry, so let’s have you come back in a week for another ultrasound.”  The words were still hanging in the air while I was getting changed to leave. “Miscarry…miscarry”.

It’s amazing how you can go from hope to despair in the course of fifteen minutes.

What can I say?  We knew this could happen.  We knew it was so early and that this would mean very little until we could get past the first trimester.  I guess I just hoped that since we struggled for so long to get here, fate would smile on us this one time.  That maybe the stats would make an acception for us and give us a pass.  I don’t think it’s to be.

Chris remains hopeful.  That’s just his style.  It’s one of the many thousand things I so love about that man.  Always looking for the rainbow through the rain.  I guess we truly are the yin and yang with this since I have almost given up hope and have started preparing myself for the worst.

Our 3rd ultrasound is next Thursday.

Whew, I feel like I have been in a little bit of a cave.  I was waiting to post after we knew we actually had a baby in there since I am a superstitious worry wart and had convinced myself I was going to be horribly disappointed today.  The thought of posting all the goofy giddy feelings I’ve been going through seemed premature until I really SAW what the heck we were dealing with.

I am so happy to say that it is one little bean who, at 6w2d is around 5w6d.  I asked the Doc if she thought this is an issue only to be reassured that our peanut is falling right in the window of what they want to see development wise.  Also got to see the tiniest flutter of a heartbeat!!  Whuh-WHUH!?  Couldn’t believe my eyes.  Chris and I were slack-jawed at this little flicker of light on the screen.  Never thought this would happen for us.

They want us to come in next week for one more ultrasound just to be sure everything is developing as it should before releasing us to my OB.  Also to measure the heart rate of Mr. bean (or Miss. bean).

I thought today would assuage my nerves…and it did…for an hour or two.  Now I need to know that our bean has a strong heartbeat.  THEN I’ll feel better.  Right?  Riiiiiight.  Then it will be a thousand other things.

Anyhow, we are both over the moon with feet firmly on the ground.  It is still so early but we’re taking each day, each week as it comes and crossing fingers all the way.

Finally went in this morning to find that we have risen to 3, 383! Thank goodness. Viability ultrasound is next week, which should tell us if there is anything wrong or how many peanuts we got in there. Also, there could be a visible heartbeat, but as milestones go…I just want to take each one as it comes and not get too far ahead of ourselves. Crossing fingers and not taking any moment for granted.

So here is what the beta snapshot looks like:

12dp3dt: 169

14dp3dt: 375

19dp3dt: 3,383

The Infamous 2WW: I can honestly say that the whole “two week wait” was an exercise in futility. I never had anything that jumped out at me or screamed anything other than ordinary aches, pains or Endometrin side effects. It was really no different that any other two week wait I had really ever had before. I will say this, I’m glad I never took a home pregnancy test. Chris made me promise not to and I think, in the end, it was for the best since I had already made up my mind that this cycle was a bust anyhow.   So getting the news of our bfp was astounding and truly shocking.  I could barely dial the phone to call Chris I was shaking so hard.  I was so sure it was over for us this go round.  I have never been so happy to be so wrong in my life.


Keeping every single appendage crossed and hoping our ultrasound goes well.

One step at a time…

Todays beta came in at 375. So we are being cautious but optimistic. This falls within a solid doubling time of every 20.9 hours or 0.9 days according to all those goofy beta calculators scattered all over the internet.

We have been scheduled for a third beta next Tuesday morning.

Tentatively very excited with the total and complete understanding that this is super early. Chris likes to say we stepped out of the desert and into the forest…so we will see what will happen next. As of right now, I am continuing my Endometrin 3x a day and resting, resting, resting.


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June 2010


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