w.t.f?

w.t.f?

I feel like I am always bitching about one thing or another on this blog, but it was started for the purpose of venting…so, there you go.

Having said that…I have to mention that I don’t need to hear another story from people who think they understand this process or about how so and so is just like me and finally got pregnant..after 12 YEARS of trying…or how so and so’s uterus fell out while she was giving birth and SHE did IVF.  I mean, how dense are some people?  I’m all happy that “12 years” finally had their kid or that “sliding uterus” actually gave birth, but really?  Really?  This doesn’t help, people.  It’s just…well…it’s rude.  That’s right, I said it.  Rude.  If you really want to talk to me about it…TALK to me.  Don’t give me ham-handed accounts of these horror stories to try to relate.  It will always fail to do what you want it to do.  You will always be insulting and hurtful however good your intentions are.  Ugh, that sounds harsh…but it’s how I’m feeling right now.

It’s something I never understood from the beginning of this journey.  I would read blogs, message boards and support sites and felt like these women were super sensitive.  I used to think, “ok ladies, get over yourselves.  it’s not ALL about YOU and YOUR drama.”  But a funny thing happened…I started IVF.  I began to realize how it really can break you down.  I started to feel like I was going mad.  I started to understand.

It’s not all about “them” or me, it’s about feeling as if you are redefining yourself as a woman in some ways.  It’s not about “drama”, it’s about struggle, disappointment, longing, confusion, desperation, sadness and hope. I don’t want to imply that nobody can ever understand or relate unless they go through this process.  I am just saying that there are complexities involved that are a suprise when they rise to the surface.   Noboby can prepare you for it, so just please, be gentle.

We have our first frozen embryo transfer this month.  We could very concieveabley be completely and totally unsuccessful after all we have been through.  It’s a bitter thought and one I have to keep preparing myself for.  It’s easy to get good news.  It’s the bad you have to pad the landing for.

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