fail

As of this moment it’s been 1 month, 29 days and 4 hours since we started the actual IVF “process”.  (i.e; injections, BCP’s and the like).  It’s been about three years since we started the journey just to get to that point.

On Saturday I took my last BCP for this cycle.  It was a small inconvenience each day that I begrudgingly partook in and almost forgot to do several times.  The shots are different somehow.  They are, and I know this is going to sound bizarre, something to look forward to.  What I mean to say is that it’s something that feels tangible representing our march towards the final goal of having a child this round.  How sad is THAT?  When you are looking forward to getting poked by insulin needles….it’s time for a reality check.

I think I am slowly devolving into this type of person that just gets bitter when new reports come on of another kid beaten, or lost, or neglected. I get angry at these women/people who poop out kids and just don’t seem to care much for them.  Like it’s expected that you get married, have the whole ceremony and stuff…then you have kids and stuff.  Y’know?  Right?  I have seen more than just a few couples who went ahead and had kids when they themselves weren’t right.  I have seen so many people mess around and end up with kids that just seem like a burden to them.  This chaps my ass and I get sick of hearing them complain about their lives.  Newsflash…if you didn’t want kids or if you weren’t ready to have them…YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE.  Ugh, it’s pathetic.

There are so many people out there who want children of their own and are struggling.  They want to care for them and be good, present parents…but have fertility issues.  Maybe that’s just it.  Maybe the struggle to get there makes you appreciate the little life you come to be responsible for even more.  Maybe these kids get it just a little bit better than others.  Who knows.  There are many good parents out there who had kids easily, who love them with all their heart.  I just hope the struggle teaches us the right lessons…and doesn’t calcify the resentment I feel right now.

Advertisements