You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2009.

Sometimes you get good news, sometimes you get bad news.  Today we got an inkling of good news…my estrogen levels are <32.  Small thing, right?  Big thing to me.  Hey, I’m taking all I can get these days.

We met with Dr. C today and had our teaching.  It really is something to sit there and talk through all of these shots you will eventually be either given or be giving yourself.  *Gulp.  Amazing how you just push yourself to get over the fear of needles right quick. 

Chris spent the better portion of this afternoon pricing out our meds, seeing if we could cut some cost down.  He is a prince.  Our situation is unique since my three month Lupron stint has me supressed already and we need to jump on that fact quickly.  Unfortunately, this leave us less than 48 hours to firm up our financing, get our meds and clear the time for our next ultrasound.  Oy. VEY.

But, here we go…ready or not.

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anger1

Where shall I begin? 

My RE’s office has two women in it we deal with on a regular basis.  One, the quasi receptionist/admin and the other, the nurse; and after today’s runaround farce they put my poor husband through, are henceforth known as Tweedledee and Tweedledum. 

Yesterday -we had not received our IVF schedule for the upcoming cycle yet, so I asked Chris to follow up since I had spoken to Tweedledum.  See, Tweedledum insisted we start injectables on May 22nd.  This puts us needing retrevial smack in the middle of our trip east.  (I knew this because I am a nut who has done waaaay too much research on injectables & IVF cycles.)  I asked her, “are you sure about that?” said I. “Oh, Yes”  said Tweedledum.  “Ok, you guys are the professionals”.   Understand, they KNEW about our trip.  Dr. C DISCUSSED it with us.  We voiced our concerns and wanted to be sure that we would be ok doing either before or after.  So after this converstation I tried to convince myself that they had it allllll worked out for us and we would be doing the transfer right before we got on the plane or something.  Right.

The pit in my stomach only got worse when Tuesday came and went with no schedule (hence Chris calling to follow up). I just KNEW they dropped the ball on us.  I could FEEL it for shit’s sake. All I know is, if I was the one to call today instead of Chris…there would have been some furniture moving around this mofo.  And not in a good way.

Well, Chris got the full runaround, dipshit treatment today when we had to deal with both Tweedledee AND Tweedledum either both inisisting or “Thinking” they knew where we stood for our upcoming cycle. The conversations sound somewhat like this:

Chris: Are you sure this is the correct schedule?

Tweedleedee(dum): Oh, yes.  I think you should be fine.

Chris: I don’t want to know what you “think”, I want to know the facts from the doctor.

Tweedledee(dum): Oh, well, let me talk to Dr. C—-.

Chris: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

Only to have Tweedledum call him back with the news that we would be coming in first thing tomorrow to get started.   They were both wrong and Chris and I were correct.  I hate being right about others being wrong when it’s important shit like this.  And not even a fucking apology.  Not once a “sorry we misread your chart”, “my bad”, “that was our misreading”…NOTHING.  Goddammit, how hard is that?

I have been absolutely apoplectic this week because this is getting down to the wire with my Lupron wearing off.  I feel like a raw nerve. I feel like we are being ignored…and “I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!”.  Sorry…ok ok..I am bat-shit off my rocker between the shots and the BC pills and me just being an emotional nut-job on a NORMAL day, so,  when shit goes down like this…lookout!  This is all I’m saying.

Long story short, we go in tomorrow for our baseline ultrasound and injectable teaching with Dr. C. 

FINALLY. FINALLY. Finally.

Expected high today:  82 degrees!!!

Yes, spring is here, spring is here, life is skittles and life is beer…

I’m in a chipper mood today with this absolutely beautiful weather.  I wish Chris wasn’t playing tonight as it is ideal grill & chill weather.  Ah, well.  We have a robin’s nest on our master bathroom window-sill that has two brilliant blue eggs in it.  At least somebody at our house is having babies.  ; )

We have finally ironed out the financing for our cycle, thank goodness.  I really, really hope we are successful this first time through.  The financial burden when you are infertile cuts so deeply both ways because whatever you do, weather it’s adoption or assisted reproduction, your gonna pay.   It’s just a fact of the situation.

Since we are not rich and we currently have some pretty dire debt; this is going to strech us thin.   So my advice to anyone who is looking to start a family – start saving NOW (just in case) and get your checkups NOW.  Do not wait.  That way you are prepared.  And, if you get preg naturally…then you have a little nest egg started in the bank. Ah, nest egg.  Dontcha love when posts come full circle?

If I could go back, I would have gotten a checkup regarding my pain before my wedding.  I would have started saving money in a seperate account for emergencies.  Hindsight is always 20/20…isn’t it?

I have totally lifted this.  It is not mine at all and I don’t personally know the woman who posted it to her blog (Rambling Into The Unknown), but it was so good she boot-legged it from her friend’s blog (Life Is Now).

So, Jodi & Katie…I hope you don’t mind.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up; she was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’ ‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’ Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes a long their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Cyclesista

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